Get ready for a first-world problem whinge. Uber Eating, it's over – I officially break with you.
I tell you this because I want to know if this is just me or if someone else has had the same problems.
When Uber eats first arrived in New Zealand in 2017, it was a sizzle of excitement. Ordering from pretty much anywhere and having it delivered to your door sounded like a wonderful treat for tired parents who want a break from cooking.
I downloaded the app, like thousands of other kiwis, and was all in.
Two years on, it's time for a report card.
My first experience was not good, but I managed it for dental problems.
Months later I tried again, and that was the same bad experience. The food didn't come, or was cold, half missed, or late, orders were wrong. You called it, we experienced it.
But the kids love it and on a cold rainy evening when you drive home from sports and it's late, it's often the easiest solution.
So as a sucker I kept going back.
When they introduced surge rates, I thought, ooh, here's my opportunity to dump them once and for all. They want to charge more for their half-baked service?
But I ran to hungry children in a house without food, I found myself back in the app and ordered up Uber Eats. The first clue thing not to go well was when the delivery time frame of the app creeps up from 30 minutes, to gradually beat 45, then an hour. But we still waited and hoped, as the first worlds we are, that everything would be fine.
Just over an hour later, hung and tired, the driver calls from the car to say he is out, come and get it. My bad, I thought it was door-to-door delivery.
My daughter goes out into her PJs in the rain to collect the food, the driver picks it up from her car window and drives off.
Not only is less than half of the order in the bag, what is inside is cold, and only one dish is what we actually ordered.
To correct this you can only handle the app. No real people, no phone numbers no human contact.
Not even the restaurant involved can be called, it doesn't show a phone number, googling shows they don't have one.
I call the number of the driver called me. I get an automatic answering machine in a US accent, "we can't connect to your call, this number is not connected".
So I have a house full of hungry children and a worthless Uber Eats order.
I hit "help" on the app and "submit my query". The app answers me: "Thanks, we aim to get back to you in 24 hours." It doesn't solve my problem now, or eat my kids.
So Uber Eats, it's officially over. I delete the app. It's not like I didn't give you endless chances.
But obviously I have to get off my bum and get my own takeaways now.