The Powerball jackpot is again so ridiculously high – $ 750 million and counts – that even people who don't tend to participate in playing lotto get involved. And who can blame them? It is enough to make millionaires of you and 749 of your closest friends. It is enough to send generation after generation of subsequent family members to the college until the sun one day envelops the earth!
Finding how to use the winnings will be tough, but you have to win to get that far, and it's not easy. The odds of beating the jackpot are one in 292.201.338. For perspective, you have one in 1
But don't worry about the odds. We have this. We had tips to help you win the lottery earlier this month (if any won, we are still waiting for our cut – we accept Venmo and PayPal!) And we have more now to help you win this thing.
Use a dartboard
The lottery is a crapshoot, right? Well, maybe that should be a dart throw. Throw six darts on a dart board and play whatever numbers you end up with. If you miss the dartboard? Maybe this lottery is out. Happiness is bad enough.
Play the office pool
We have said this before, but we say it again. Yes, it increases your chances of winning. But more important than that, how stupid would you feel if the office pool won the lottery and you didn't buy in? I don't see the five dollars I just threw my colleague into the lottery pool, I consider it insurance against what would be the biggest attack in my life.
Animals that help make human decisions have become very popular in recent years. We are not just talking about Groundhog Day, but also sports events. Paul Octopus correctly selected four out of six of Germany's 2008 Euro Cup matches, as all seven team games in the 2010 World Cup are in progress, so maybe talk to your pets! Or go to Turtleback Zoo if you must. Talk to a tiger. Consult with a kangaroo! Just be careful – they can request an average of the winnings.
Get Bruce Springsteen involved
Long shot? May be. The most popular person in all of New Jersey is probably legendary singer Bruce Springsteen. He doesn't have to win the lottery, he just made the bank of his Broadway show. But maybe you can convince him to go door-to-door with you and ask for donations that can be used for but tickets. Who's gonna say no to him in New Jersey? Convince him that you are a worthy cause or tell him to donate some of the prize to a charity of your choice. And you better listen to him, he is The Boss after all.
Talk to Knicks
The New York Knicks have spent the whole season increasing their odds of winning the 2019 NBA lottery draft so they can draft Duke's superstar Zion Williamson. How did they do that? By losing! Much. They have won only 14 games all year round! If they are so good at increasing the odds for that lottery, they might have an idea for this. Although I'm not sure of being bad in basketball, it will help too much with this lottery.
Sell all your belongings
Listen to me. Sell everything you own and I mean everything. Your car, your house, anyway. Fine, don't sell your pets, they can be helpful in this lottery game that we discussed earlier. But sell everything else and use the money to buy as many lottery tickets as possible. If you win, you will be able to buy even better stuff! If you lose, well, maybe you can start a GoFundMe or something …
Seriously. The real way to win this thing is not to play at all. To quote as Bruce the guy who so rude decided to help us, it's a death trap, it's a suicide attack. Okay, so playing the lottery doesn't kill you, but you throw your money away! I want to say that you put it on fire, but it is actually more entertaining to charge money than to buy a paper scrap that is worthless as soon as the drawing is over. So quit while you're in front (or behind, if you've played a lot since this jackpot has grown) and put your money under your mattress, in the bank or anywhere other than the lottery.
Jeremy Schneider can be reached at email@example.com . Follow him on Twitter @J_Schneider . Find NJ.com on Facebook Do you have a tip? Tell us. nj.com/tips Get the latest updates right in your inbox. Subscribe to NJ.com's newsletter .