<img src = "https://media.npr.org/assets/img . s100.jpg "class =" img lazyOnLoad "alt =" How to make money beating up your marriage  Marital infidelity is well known, but financial infidelity can actually become more common.
The few academic studies have estimated that as many as 41% of US adults admit to hiding accounts, debts or spending habits from their spouse or partner.
"It seems that economic infidelity is about to increase," said Ted Rossman, an industry analyst for CreditCards.com. The latest company's survey showed that the millennia is almost twice as large as hiding money or accounts from partners than other generations.
It's easier to hide, says Rossman because of technology: "You can sign up for the account, you can get the statements, you can make your expenses – all without anything that pops up in the mail."
Every couple may vary in how it defines financial infidelity. Typical cases often involve concealing compulsive shopping or gambling debt. In others, a spouse may seep money from the family's funds for a secret purpose. Regardless, when the fraud is postponed, it often evokes feelings of betrayal and loss of trust that can lead to the dissolution of the relationship.
"It's hard to realize that someone could be so fake for you, someone you thought you understood and could read," said Megan McCoy, professor at Kansas State University specializing in financial therapy, a new field that combines financial counseling with family counseling.
Money means retirement or a child's college education. "And that's why money battles are nasties and last longer" and why financial deception cuts deeply.
It is known to Ed Coambs, who met Ann 15 years ago at a party he hosted at the opposite ends of Houston, and by 23 Ed already had his finances in order.
This impressed Ann, who was three years older and saddled with dental debt. "I thought," Gosh, I've hit the jackpot. This is amazing, "she says.
Within two years, they married and settled in Charlotte, NC. In the process, they named some differences in how they wanted to manage their funds. Ed, for example, argued for joint accounts.
"I never had the idea that people in marriage would keep their money in separate accounts or hidden from each other," he says. His parents had common accounts, and everything else seemed foreign.
Ann, meanwhile, says she felt filthy about it, partly because she had seen her parents fight over money during their divorce. But the money discussions with their own husband were not acrimonious, she says.
"Finally, I came around and said," OK, let's do this, "Ann says. So all their accounts – including those for her dental care – were all reciprocal and shared.
Ed lived at home with his youth boys and helped her manage business accounts while his wife supported them, later he returned to school to become a therapist, but his counseling practice was slow to take off.
"I had a period of struggle," he admits. It had to do with my own uncertainties and what it meant to me being a vendor or not being a supplier. "That's when Ed borrowed several thousand dollars on his business credit card – the only account they didn't share – without talking to his wife
Ironically, Ed's practice was based on economic therapy – counseling for couples struggling for money, and in the following year the debt grew to more than $ 20,000, but he did not tell his wife about it.
In many ways, Ed says, he fell into some of the typical patterns of economic infidelity. He says many people justify financial infidelity because there is a difference in income or they feel deficient. He kept his secret under cover, constantly hoping his business would grow and he could repay the credit card debt. Instead, the debt grew. To him it made no sense. He feared how Ann – who referred to him as "Mr. Financially Responsible" – could react.
He says the load is hiding in isolation and depression.
"Mostly people thought," Well, Ed successful, he's smart, he's capable, "he says." Internally, nothing else felt from the truth. "
It's been over 2 1/2 years Since Ed came clean with Ann over his debt, he says he has learned to empathize with him as he who breaks his own moral code – and with people like his wife, who are working hard to forgive. about telling their story in the hope that it can help others in a similar position.
For those who are still hiding in the shadows, they say: Come on – the better the better.