Elon Musk offers to buy the rake he stepped on

SAN FRANSISCO – Tesla CEO and founder Elon Musk has reportedly made a public offer to buy a rake he recently stepped on that smashed him in the face.

“Aha, very wise, rake,” Musk said, straight to the rake on the ground. “I see that you, like many of the other embarrassing things I’ve hurt myself lately, have fallen victim to the ‘awake’ mindset that makes you seek out and tear down those with ideas that are counterintuitive to yours. “I do not respect your approach, rake, but I would like to invest in your future. How much should you buy straight up?”

Eyewitness accounts estimated that Musk waited as long as ten minutes before realizing that the rake would not respond to his lucrative offer.

“Many of us gathered when we realized who it was,”[ads1]; said Tracy Brooks, one of the many spectators. “And after a while we shouted, things like ‘Hey Elon, that rake is not going to answer you!’ And ‘You’re bleeding from your nose, Elon!’, But he just kept standing there staring at the rake. “I think he understood that nothing was going to happen, so he just made an announcement that he had been joking all the time and got out of there. I hope he went and got some help, his nose looked very bad.”

“And to think, he would not have stepped on that rake in the first place if he had only had a few yellow cautionary signs,” Brooks said. “But he hates the color.”

As of press time, Musk had announced intentions to launch the rake into space.