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All 607 billionaires of the United States must run as president



With Michael Bloomberg, the 9th richest man on earth, who is apparently running for president, Americans are asking some tough questions. Like, why did we ever allow non-billionaires to run for the highest office in the country? And why don't all other billionaires jump into the race?

After all, the United States is at all ruled by its billionaires. They should care about us enough to make things official. If you like America, put a ring on it!

There are no possible disadvantages here. We already have a guy who calls himself a billionaire as president, and it's going to go well. Things can only get better with more of this billionaire magic.

History also makes this clear. Two thousand years ago, in A.D. 1

9, the Roman Empire's policy had become a playground for its ultrarich. We haven't checked, but probably we would have heard if something went wrong for the Romans ever since.

Bloomberg (net worth: $ 55 billion), Tom Steyer ($ 1.6 billion), and President Donald Trump ("$ 3.1" "billion") are off to a good start, but it's time for the US's other 604 billionaires rise to the plate, here is a look at just a few of the options for our next president / chieftain / despot.

Michael Bloomberg, Bloomberg LP

PROS: At 5 & # 39; 7 "Would be the shortest US president since William McKinley.
CONS: Is a tough salesman as a Democratic candidate since he is a Republican.

Jeff Bezos, Amazon

PROS: Utilized that type aggression and lust for dominance used by other people in war to create a mechanism for online shopping.
CONS: Will, if possible, leave us to become president of space

Bill Gates , Microsoft

PROS: Unlike most billions It seems that 1) non-billionaires may be affected by illness and 2) this is bad.
GROUP: Murdered Jeffrey Epstein.

Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook [19659002] PROS: Speak Mandarin, so can monitor the impending merger of US surveillance capitalism and Chinese surveillance communism.
CONFIRMED: Believes that Silicon Valley "is an extremely left-handed place," suggesting that he has never been anywhere else on earth.

Sheldon Adelson, Las Vegas Sands Corporation [19659002] PROS: His administration would answer the question, "How would Jabba the Hutt be president?"
CONS: Probably nothing unless you think it would be bad for America to suddenly nuke Iran.

David Koch, Koch Industries

PROS: There is nothing in the Constitution that says the President must be alive.
CONS: Excessively, we are already going to be ruled over the next 1,000 years by the nightmare consequences of his climate denial.

The entire Walton family, Walmart

PROS: From this moment, the heirs of Walmart founder Sam Walton have raised $ 200 billion, almost twice as much as Jeff Bezos. They could deliver addresses from the Oval Office, and torment him in unison.
GROUP: Get ready for the new $ 0.37 minimum wage.

Eduardo Saverin, Facebook

PROS: Could inspire Americans to earn $ 10 billion by attending Harvard at the same time as Mark Zuckerberg.
GROUP: Has waived his US citizenship to avoid taxes, but maybe he could be lured back if we all apologize.

PROS: Embodies Schrödingers Paradox: He can explain that he is not driven by money, while at the same time saying that we should better not tax him because he is driven by money .
CONS: Just spent $ 238 million on his New York penthouse. Americans want a president who lives big.

Kylie Jenner, Kylie Cosmetics

PROS: Uses makeup both more skillfully and more sparingly than Donald Trump.
CONS: None.

Pierre Omidyar, eBay

PROS: Handsome, kind, wise; like Bloomberg, already has a media outlet.
CONS: Promotions are expensive and we can think of far better uses for that money. (Unlike Bloomberg Media Group, The Intercept is a non-profit.)


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