Published on October 21, 2019 |
by Zachary Shahan
21. October 2019 by Zachary Shahan
I wrote an article a few days ago about 7 things Tesla "couldn't do", according to top experts in the automotive field. It turns out these are things that Tesla actually went ahead and did, while she blew nonchalant kisses on the crowd.
Some other ideas for things like "experts" were convinced that Tesla couldn't have come to mind since then, so here's a sequel to the article from the past.
Full disclosure: If you don't like having fun at the expense of perennial haters and naysayers, this article is not for you. If you do not like humor at all, this article is not for you. If you just think my type of humor sucks, or you don't understand why such articles are useful, then this article is not for you. I think that's a fair warning for what's to come, but I feel that some of you can still scroll down to the comments to tell me how much you dislike this article or any of the articles in this Tesla Flashbacks series. Alas life is difficult.
To get in on the fun, here are the 7 extra things Tesla absolutely, positively, pessimistically, could not do super-splendidly:
1. Produces 5,000 Tesla Model 3 sedans per week
The chore in months and months – quarterly even – was that Tesla never (as in never ever ) could achieve the production of 5000 Tesla Model 3's of the month. It was just something Tesla was not created to do, approved to do, able to do or able to do before he went to the bankwupt. Furthermore, there was probably not enough customer demand for 5000 Model 3's a month. So, long story short: Tesla could never reach that goal.
Until it did.
2. Show profit in Q3 (and 4th) 2018
Completely impossible, partly because No. 1 above was impossible, was the idea – as Tesla CEO Elon Musk stated several times – that Tesla would show a profit in the 3rd (and later 4th) quarter of 2018. It was just out of this world crazy. Undoubtedly, it was considered impossible and ridiculous dozens of times on CNBC, in WSJ, in Business Outsider, and in many other financial print / web publications leading up to Tesla's financial conference / shareholder conference in Q3. Experts across the landscape were confident that Tesla had no profit.
Before it did.
3. Has Model 3 consistently outperformed BMW 3 Series, Audi A4 and other premium premium sedans
The Tesla Model 3, despite pretty much Tesla fandom, was never able to compete with the old midsize sedan class. Legends like the BMW 3 Series, Mercedes C Class and Audi A4 that fall like the Model 3? Pfff – don't let me spill pumpkin spice latte on myself! The reasoning among confident pessimistic experts varied – it was a limit to how many people wanted an electric / green car; the German carmakers offered such refined and superior products that they would never be thrown by poor, small, minimalist Tesla – no matter how much new technology it has; Tesla will never be able to produce so many cars; The Tesla brand is still not so well known and will never be compared to BMW, Audi and Mercedes; Tesla does not have dealers; etc. The long and short: Tesla could never sell these car giants in one of their bread and butter classes.
4. Sell Model 3 for under $ 40,000
There was skepticism for several years that Tesla could ever sell a car for under $ 40,000. It was impossible to somehow call hundreds of “experts” interviewed in the press. There was just no way Wall Street exec ABC auto exec DEF or business professor GHI could crush the numbers to make a sub- $ 40,000 model 3. That's all scams, a Ponzi scheme, a false promise, adventure and unicorns. Some experts were willing to stake their careers on their unwavering, irrefutable skepticism about this Tesla goal. Tesla could never sell a Tesla Model 3 with promised specifications for under $ 40,000, and certainly not until 2020.
5. Build "The Gigafactory" (now known as Gigafactory 1) in Nevada
When you go a little further back, the large, gigantic battery factory makes the high volume Model 3 possible. Years and years ago, in a country far, far away, Elon Musk realized, "Oh, shit – we need a lot of batteries." Maybe he thought to himself or blew loudly, "We need gigawatts of batteries! "Seeing the challenge of what it was and knowing how young and underdeveloped the global battery supply chain was for what Tesla would need, Elon, JB Straubel, Jerome Guillen and others drew a" gigafactory "to produce the batteries for model 3. Another important point was also that this increase in production capacity would help bring down costs, which was crucial to producing a Tesla under $ 40,000. But there was only one problem … the whole idea was impossible.
The idea of a gigantic gigafactory, a building believed to be the largest or second largest in the world, must have caused many critics to laugh. The whole concept was absurd – where would Tesla get the money, how would it know how to build a giant factory for a product that wasn't really in the business of producing, the timeline was out of a Disney adventure, all this was just a long and elaborate joke? Whatever Elon Musk thought he would do, Gigafactory would certainly not be completed – Florida would turn into a snowball before the gigafactory would be built.
6. Don't go bankrupt in …
2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
It covers just about that topic. If you need more, see this.
7. Produce a car with a sufficient number of cupholders
This is a joke for early Tesla owners and enthusiasts.
Ignore if you got into the Tesla topic in recent years.
Do you have any more good ideas for things that Tesla absolutely, positively and genuflexively couldn't achieve? Any more ideas for things that our Tesla vehicles can't do?
If you want to buy a Tesla Model 3, Model S or Model X and want 1,000 miles of free Supercharging, feel free to use my referral code: https://ts.la/ zachary63404 – or use someone else's if you have a friend or family member with a Tesla. I'm not crying.
* Technically, not a word. Also not what is suitable for this sentence unless you are nice.
** As a side note, as I dug back into history after some specific predictions about Tesla, I came across this gem of a 2010 quote: "I struggle to see what Tesla's unique selling point is, to be honest, "said Angus MacKenzie, editor of Motor Trend . Notice that his opinion of the car manufacturer has certainly changed now.
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